A Resolution for the New Year…

Many adults feel their home would be happier if they could find another way to communicate. These adults say they feel embarrassed to admit that they scream at home. They do not want to scream at their children, but find themselves screaming when children do not come when they are called, or when they’ve left a disaster area somewhere in the house. You can fill in the blank with what is your trigger.   

Parents can feel taken for granted or ignored by their children. Under duress, we all can find ourselves “losing it” at times. Maybe your parents were screamers too, and you revert to their behavior without thinking. Sometimes adults are trying to let their children know that they are “fed up.” Unfortunately your children are probably not getting that message. They think you just had another bad day at work! If you frequently scream, your family may ignore you until the volume or intensity reaches a certain level, and then they will move. Or worse, some children feel their own threat level going up, and they react by lying or returning “fire” at you. (See the previous series of blogs on “Fight, Flight, Fear or Fib.”) The bad habit can be passed on to the next generation!

Here are some steps that can help you give up the screaming habit.

• Resolve that you will not scream under any circumstances. Instead of screaming, you are going to lower your volume when you speak.
• You are going to get closer to the child before speaking to them. 
• Smile! Pat them on the arm or shoulder. The novelty will grab their attention.
• Make a direct appeal. Few people can resist when someone asks for help. Even better, say how long it will take – make it short! “I need your help for 10 minutes.”