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Parents can sometimes feel as if all they do is scream at their children.
They feel their home would be happier if they could find another way to communicate. These adults say they feel embarrassed to admit that they scream at home. They do not want to scream at their children, but find themselves screaming when children do not come when they are called or left a disaster area somewhere in the house--You can fill in the blank with what sets you off.
Parents feel disrespected, taken for granted and ignored. Under duress, we all find ourselves “losing it” at times. Maybe your parents were screamers too and you revert to their behavior without thinking when you feel under duress.
Sometimes adults are trying to let their children know that you are “fed up”. Unfortunately your children are probably not getting that message. They think you just had another bad day at work or you are “cranky”.
If you frequently scream, your family will ignore you until the volume or intensity reaches a certain level and then they will move. You inadvertently trained them to wait until you are very loud.
Here are some steps to help give up the screaming habit.
- Resolve that you will not scream under any circumstances.
- Lower your tone of voice when you speak.
- Get closer to the child before speaking to them.
- Smile! Pat them on the arm or shoulder. The novelty will grab their attention.
- Make a direct appeal. Few people can resist when someone asks for their help. Even better, say how long it will take – make it short! “I need your help for 5 minutes”. Set a timer.
- Say, “Thank you for your help.” Smile, pat them on the back. Pat yourself on the back!
Try this to manage frustration:
When you are stressed before you walk in the door at home it will be tough to stay calm when faced with the challenges of dealing with a busy household.
Instead of entering the house this way, try going out to the back porch and taking some deep breaths or sit in the car and listen to some music for a few minutes. Picture yourself dealing with your family as you aspire to do.
Try some of these techniques and see how small changes can help. (Find more tips here at ADDitude magazine.)
Remember: If you do what you have always done you will get what you always got!
